Just Buy the Car
Me: If you want to buy a new car, just buy one. I'll go with you and help even.
Mom: Well, I will have to get something cheap, yet I'm not sure if smaller car will be able to get up and down the driveway.
Me: I thought dad plowed the driveway.
Mom: He did, but it's been raining a lot lately, so now he drives through the yard to get to the house.
Me: He's driving through the yard...WTF? There's a friggin' orchard in the front yard. The neighbors are going to turn us in to the zoning people...again. Never mind. I thought you were getting a chunck of change with your retirement.
Mom: Well I was going to give some of that to you kids.
Me (Inside Voice): My life is a Seinfeld Episode...I'm going to strangle her.
Me (Outside Voice): We don't need your money; that's your money. Get yourself a car. You can't live in BFE without a friggin' car. Please do not give us that money.
Mom: Well, I don't know how I'll be able to afford one, maybe I'll lease one.
Me: That's stupid, you'll go over your miles. It's 20 miles to the grocery store for Christ's Sake.
Mom: Well, you know Daughter, I don't have that much money. They want at least $5,000 down.
Me: For what, a Jag? Where did you hear that?
Mom: Your father.
Me: He's lying. Why would he say that? Don't listen to him--he's crazy.
Mom: So I don't need $5000 down?
Me: Sigh...don't talk to dad about this anymore. I'm coming the first week in June--we're getting you a car.
Is it just me, or is my dad going too far with his "jokes". He's going to make her insane, and I'm going to be left with the pieces. We need to teach him a lesson...