Sunday, June 19, 2005

Father's Day

My dad is kind of...different. I've mentioned him before in this blog, so most of you will know what I mean. Due to his...unique qualities, Father's Day has always been extraordinarily difficult. What do you get a man who doesn't have the typical-Dad hobbies?

One year I gave my dad some Biohazard and H.I.V. labeling tape (that I paid for out of pocket). I don't know why he wanted it so bad since he knows that he can't use it on anything, especially anything that would go out in the trash. He just wanted the tape so that he could show his buddies and to say he had it.

I refuse to get him another trucker/mesh hat. He has enough to supply an entire militia of mullet-bearing red-necks. Everyone knows he's a union man, and, due to the shiny Steelworker's of America jacket that he always has on, they know he's a badass. He doesn't need any more hats to advertise these facts.

He's not allowed to own another gun via mom's orders. He doesn't have anywhere left to hide a gun, and having guns just lying around the house in plain view of Brother1 is a little dangerous as evidenced by the hole in their closet wall. I found a gun in his bill drawer and his candy cupboard last time I was home,-- it's just gotten out of hand. Maybe if he'd lock the doors, or if he even knew where the house keys were, he wouldn't need so many guns.

I can't get him candy since the doctor is not sure how much more belly my dad's two little stick legs can handle. It's sad that my dad believes that spring break means getting out of work for 3-weeks to have another stomach, back, etc. operation. He absolutely has to lose some weight so I can't supply him with anything sugar-based. I've been waiting for quintuplets to pop out of his womb for years now...

Father's day is rough. Any suggestions?

10 Comments:

At 9:12 AM, Blogger Murky Thoughts said...

Sounds like the kind of guy who might appreciate a stuffed jackalope.

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger trisha said...

How about a duct tape wallet?

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger Murky Thoughts said...

It's smart alecky ala the jackalope, but it's not a macho kind of smart alecky. Wish I had one though.

 
At 3:42 PM, Blogger she falters to rise said...

The stuffed jackalope breaks the rule about dead animals in the house, although it is a good idea.

The duct tape wallet, however...priceless. It will go with the duct tape car(s) in our driveway.

It looks like I have some personal shoppers--your check is in the mail.

 
At 9:48 PM, Blogger muse said...

If he's the reader type, how about a magazine or newspaper subscription? (sorry, couldn't come up with anything funny tonight, working on some boring freelance contract, it's killing my creativity! LOL)

 
At 12:55 AM, Blogger trisha said...

Rats. The Internet ate my last comment/gift suggestion.

I got my husband a wallet made from recycled tires many years ago, and, boy, did it last! And it was only a little ugly.

 
At 7:58 AM, Blogger she falters to rise said...

My father doesn't read a whole lot. He does puruse Guns & Ammo and the American Machinist, but I think he already has subscriptions for those. I appreciate the help Muse, and I'm sorry that your creativity has been murdered.

Trisha, I think you have won the award for guessing what my crazy father would like. It's a hard decision...duct tape or recycled tire...

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger trisha said...

Yay!

When shall I expect my award?

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger she falters to rise said...

It's a seekrit.

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger trisha said...

I am not very good at seekrits!

 

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