Why Are People So Hard?
On more than one occasion, I have been asked if I am sure that I am not autistic. I find this annoying because, as I've mentioned in the past, I hate the overuse and misuse of disorders to refer to and/or excuse slightly bizarre behaviors.
I think people use this term to describe me because I can be a social moron at times. I don't find things difficult--I find people difficult. I am not afraid of spiders, or spinal taps, or jumping out of planes. I didn't think my comprehensive exams were hard nor did I find writing and obtaining a predoctoral fellowship scary or difficult. I cross the street without looking because I'm not afraid of being run over, and I have no problem working with radiation or carcinogens (in fact, I made a big radioactive vat of carcinogenic punch today). I do get irritated when certain fabrics and/or textures touch my skin, and I really hate certain auditory stimulants, but I don't think that's so weird.
Put me in a social situation, however, and I freak out. I get sick to my stomach, and I sweat like I've been hiking through the Sahara. I refuse to call and order take-in because I hate talking to strangers on the phone, and I can't handle confrontation to save my life. I once hung up on a Pizza Hut manager because he started yelling at me because I was complaining about my order (it was never delivered). I didn't hang up because I was angry--I hung up because I didn't know what to say, and I panicked.
That is why, when my mentor started being ridiculous today, I closed my computer and ran away. I should have stood my ground--I should have made him talk it out, but I didn't. I just ran away.
Things are easy; they are controllable and predictable. People, however, are neither controllable nor predictable. I just don't understand why people have to be so damn hard for me.