Friday, October 14, 2005

Get in Line to Board the Crazy Train

Lucy knew what she was doing.

She knew that if you don't take control over the situation, the situation will take control over you. When she set up that booth and charged people for her services, she put an end to the random crazy outbursts of life, the unsolicited leeching, and the quicksand drama created by people lusting for a speck of power in their lives. She kept the ball perpetually in her court, she made the rules...

1.) I walked towards my bus stop. There was a broken down bus right at the stop and a woman standing between me and the bus. She was standing on the sidewalk in the area one would naturally stand if one was waiting for the next bus--to stand any closer to the actual stop would make it difficult for the next bus to see you (duh, there's a huge bus in the way). I approached her and stopped the mandatory 6-7 feet away from her. I detest space invaders, and I am painfully careful to not be one myself. I put down my bag and looked off into the distance for the next bus. I heard someone scream "why the f*** are you standing so close to me for?" I immediately turned around thinking someone was bothering the woman behind me. Apparently, I was the one bothering her. She began screaming like a broken record player "why the f*** are you standing here? The bus stop is over there you moron. Stand at the bus stop b*****, don't stand next to me. You f***ing faggot. You f***ing lesbian."

I backed away from her. She raised her arms at me. I backed away some more and said "I'm sorry--I'm just waiting for the bus...I thought you were too."

She screamed, "You f***ing liar, you lesbian. Why are you trying to get under my breast?!!".
She then walked towards the broken down bus and proceeded to bang on its windows (the driver was still on the bus waiting for someone to rescue him).

She screamed, "This lesbian is trying to molest me, she is trying to get my breasts. F***ing homo".

I just kept staring down the road, ready to run if I needed to.

My bus came, and I got on as she continued to scream. She then got on behind me, sat down across from me quietly, and remained at peace until her stop. As she got off the bus, she told the driver "thank you, have a nice day".

Obviously she has some problems. For some reason, my presence elicited an extreme fear/defense response in her and she got stuck in a state of perseveration that she could not get out of until the environment changed (when she got on the bus). I was glad that it was me that she accosted, because someone else may have hurt her or flapped their trap causing her to become more incensed.

2.) My phone rang--it was my father. Brother2 lost the rock, papers, scissors war and picked up the phone reluctantly. At least my dad actually had some news this time. My parent's neighbor tried to steal another neighbor's unborn baby. You may have seen it on the news. The guy who butchers our meat found the women near his property and saved the pregnant victim. My dad called last night because the police helicopters were circling their house, and exciting things like that don't happen where my parent's live very often. Please God, don't let anyone interview my family. Please don't. My dad will go into a 2 hr tirade on the shoddy workmanship of the neighbor's trailer--he will conclude that such a mess could drive anyone to commit such a crime. My mom will put on her Oprah face and try to pick apart all of the emotional stresses and turmoil caused by today's society. She will go on relentlessly about parenting and how children behave these days and how sad the world is. My brother will smoke a lot and hide from the reporters.

3.) Brother1 has a girlfriend. He met her at his outpatient psychiatric service. They've gone on a few dates. I'm not sure I can go through all of this again. At least my mom doesn't have to fight with him every morning about taking a shower, brushing his teeth, etc. I've been saying all along that motivation is not completely lost in the brain of a schizophrenic, it's just harder to elicit that drive. I now have evidence. Brother1 totally screwed himself because now he can't tell us that he can't do it.

Please God let this one work out better. Please don't let her kill herself or threaten to kill herself. Please don't let her steal from our house when she decides to go off of her meds. Please let her family be kind and understanding and supportive.

I'm setting up a booth.
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At 9:48 AM, Blogger trisha said...

Jesus, Pete.

At 10:01 AM, Blogger Edie said...

All four of my brothers have green-eyed girlfriends. I think they are all, truly, suffering from mental illness and do not trust them around my children. If your booth were anywhere near here, I might go just to tell you secondhand about them!

At 10:12 AM, Blogger Jessica said...


You are so incredible to me - your understanding of others, your desire to help, your need to make things better than you found them, your wonderful ability to write your thoughts, experiences and ideas in a manner that translates to beautifully.


At 10:19 AM, Blogger shrinkykitten said...

Wow sftr, your experiences in your city sound more challenging than mine! I hate stuff like that because even if I understand the motivations and mixed up brain chemicals behind the outburst, I still can't shake it off and still can't help but take it personally. I hope in writing about it you were able to let some of it go.

That's funny about your brother's motivational landscape. He has kind of screwed himself over -- although if they brak up, and if he becomes depressed, then he will likely be unable to shower, etc. again.

I think you and I should get bodyguards like russianviolets has had to get. I think we might be too sensitive for city life (or at least I am).

At 10:36 AM, Blogger trisha said...

Wow, to Jessica, too.

Jessica leaves amazing comments. I read her comments and think, shit, now *that* is what I should have said...

At 2:01 PM, Blogger sue said...

...and you turned out so 'normal' HOW??? Wow.

At 3:47 PM, Blogger she falters to rise said...

Jessica--thank you for calling me incredible and for all of the compliments. I'm really just crazy--it makes me better adapted for survival in this messed up world, I think.

Edie--it's interesting that they all have green-eyed girlfriends. It reminds me of the movie "big trouble in little china". You must elaborate sometime.

shrinky--I've been reading about some of your tales of the city. I think you have me beat. I think I've spent so much of my time around delusional/hallucinating/psychotic people that I am not really affected by these things in the same way other people are. I think I've been conditioned/desensitized to it, to some degree (I was perplexed about why she hated lesbians so much, though).

I do need a body guard; they don't come cheap.

Trisha--until I am ready to make my true identity known, I shall ask you to refrain from using my true names of Jesus and Pete.

Sue--trust me, I am not normal. I fail all of the shrink tests. Shrinky could build a pool house on my therapy bills alone; although I don't plan on paying her for the advice that I will solicit subliminally from her. She'll never catch on...oh shit, I forgot that she may be reading this. Drats, foiled again.

At 9:29 PM, Blogger shrinkykitten said...

Ummm... a pool house isn't very big. I feel disappointed. I was hoping you were crazier so that we could be more similar. I really wanted a crazy twin! Anyway, I thought you were my therapist?!?

At 8:14 AM, Blogger she falters to rise said...

shrinky: Are there rules against symbiotic therapy exchanges? Can a therapist seek therapy from their client--I can't see any problems that could arise out of such a healthy and helpful situation.


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