Monday, October 24, 2005

She's Come Unplugged

Sometimes, when I'm really in a mental funk, I'll get a title stuck in my head--it will swirl around and around in my mind, popping up in response to any number of random stimuli encountered during my daily routines.

Once, for an entire week, I kept saying to myself "A Day No Pigs Would Die". As I spilled my coffee all over my new cream jacket, I said to myself, "A Day No Pigs Would Die". As I almost got killed by a frazzled mother using her mini van as a missile, I thought, "A Day No Pigs Would Die." No change for the bus...of course "A Day No Pigs Would Die".

As rapidly as the title gets stuck in my head, it disappears into silence. Minutes, days, or weeks will go by until another one takes up residence, but I always know that one will eventually find its way up there.

This morning, one of these squatter titles has built a little nest in my brain...only this time it is a little smeared.

Drip, drip--water dribbles down from the ice pack onto the floor below. The thermostat in my office is, unfortunately, located directly above the electrical outlet, the only electrical outlet.
I stare at the miniature pool of water building up on my laptop plug.

Blink. Blink. I just stare at it. Drip...Drip.

Blink. Blink. It's as if my blinks have joined the drips' band, playing together in rhythm.

They (the Man) can not regulate the temperature in this building so our offices are frigid, usually unbearable. I find myself layered in clothing, often with a coat on in the middle of the day. This morning, I just couldn't face the cold, so I taped ice packs onto the thermostat in an attempt to kick the AC off and the heat on. As I stare at the water, at the electrocution waiting to happen, I think, "She's Come Unplugged".

I wish I could take action and do the sane thing, I really do. I'm just so exhausted. I just don't want to be cold one more minute longer--the cold is killing me. At what point does the need to feel warm overcome the fear of being electrocuted, setting your office on fire, and losing your laptop and data forever?

When she's come unplugged, that's when.

Sometimes, I walk around the house unplugging things. For some reason, I feel like my appliances and electronic devices need to rest, they need to be free of my dictatorship. By unplugging them, I feel like they can truly sigh and fall asleep. As silly as it sounds, it makes me feel better to see them quiet, to know that they aren't generating their "running" heat. Maybe it's because I wish someone would unplug me from time to time. Maybe it's some sort of transferred exhaustion, a longed for rescue on my part.

She's come unplugged.

Damn, it's really stuck up there.


At 10:53 AM, Blogger BrightStar said...

I like how you have metaphors for your mental state. That's useful for me to think about in order to identify my own. Lately the only phrase that sticks in my brain is, "step off, bitches!" I have no idea why.

At 2:14 PM, Blogger Lucy said...

can you tape a tip box lid or something to the wall above the plug to catch the drips? I've been in labs where we had to do the ice pack thing too so I fully sympathise with your situation. I know that probably wasn't the main point of your post, but now I'm worried about you getting electrocuted (or losing data)!
(I'm feeling a little creepy now since it's probably weird to have some random stranger be concerned for your welfare, but I've been reading your blog for a bit now and enjoying it, so, um, hi :) )

At 3:25 PM, Blogger Psycho Kitty said...

And you realize now I'm humming, "She didn't know what she was headed for, lalalalalalalalalala..."

At 3:28 PM, Blogger she falters to rise said...

B*: You surprise me, but I love it. I find my mental state sometime assuming a snoop dog tone in which I'm a mutha fing hustler, which is in some way akin to your "step off, bitches".

Lucy: thank you for your concern--it's not weird at all. I ended up taking the ice packs off and putting my jacket on. I did try the box thing, but it kept falling off (we bought the cheap lab tape). The fear of losing my precious laptop trumped my need for warmth, I guess. Thank you for the suggestion!

At 3:29 PM, Blogger she falters to rise said...

PK: Hee...hee...hee (that's my evil laugh since you can't hear it).

At 4:32 PM, Blogger shrinkykitten said...

Step off bitches, it's NACHO time!!!

My equivalent might be "She's come unhinged." I think of such things as my own little crazy mantra as I think saying such things over and over in my head keeps me calmer and less likely to bop someone over the head.

(how you say, "Shut the f*%$ up in Russian).

At 11:34 AM, Blogger Murky Thoughts said...

I don't know whether to reach for Dickinson or the DSMIV. Probably Dickinson would be wiser, since this particular mania sounds a little too familiar.

At 1:45 PM, Blogger BrightStar said...

seriously, "step off, bitches" is the phrase that pays. Sometimes just yelling out "BITCHES!" in frustration when I'm home alone works, too.

I understand the need to unplug and stop running for a while.

At 4:20 PM, Blogger Edie said...

I tend to prepare oratories for my self-defense against imaginary confrontations of the future. For example, when I will run for the state legislature and someone will point out that I have no experience in government. I tend to come up with zingers that replay in my brain until I am very tempted to unleash them in not exactly fitting social situations. For example, "Yes, you are correct--I am not a multimillionaire." Or, "I know more than the rat-pack in the statehouse what the people need." I know, ugh. I think it is one little faction of my brain trying to convince the rest of me that I need bad publicity.

At 5:10 PM, Blogger sue said...

Damn. PK beat me to it... I've got that same song stuck in my head. Crap. Thanks. Lots.

Glad you unplugged. I was gettin' a little worried there with the water on the plug... that didn't sound like a good scientist move. :) But then, you DID say you fell off your chair... just sayin...

At 11:01 PM, Blogger trisha said...

I heart you.


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